Real women, if they are, like you said, fun, outspoken and adventurous, adding to that tender, sensative, and SMART. I think that cud be a good definition, without all the hassle about being submissive, if she has such qualities and the man have similar qualities, there won't be a need for all that fight, and they both will be do things for each other based on understanding.
As for the Arab men, I know for sure not all will want his wife to wear Abaya or treat her like a slave. regardless Muslim or christian. (I guess you just haven't meet much of them, or didn't run into the right ones :)