After Reading your story ....it say that you dont love any of them nor ur Mr. p, j, s, etc etc loved you ...love happens only once and rest is just life ....
Do what ever your Mom say accept the decission of your Mom then you see you will be happy in ur life.....and the next Importent thing never ever revel about your past to ur partner, by not reveling it does'nt mean that u are cheating to ur partner....it only mean that u are not hearting him by telling ur past,,,if u revel then ur relationship will be like Britania 50%50 Ting ting Tding........ Wether its Men or Women he or she dosnt like the second person in relationship.......if i say more then u will forget what Love means.......