moonlight2000 - you're not alone. I've been there and basically did everything you said you're doing now - text, call, felt like killing myself, etc.etc. It took a few years for me to get over it .. but get over it, I certainly did. As they say, the 1st cut is the deepest and I came out of it much stronger. It is because of what I went through and the fact that I changed my frame of mind towards positive improvement, that I am what I am today.
How you deal with a broken heart? - Alsboy gave good advice:-
1. Avoid the former love.
To add - don't harbour any hope of reconciliation. Don't put your life on hold, hoping for something that may never come. Take it from me - I wasted 5 years. I still make mistakes but I'm not that stupid anymore. That's the reason why I can read most men like an open book, even if not immediately, I will, in due course of time.
2. Talk out your feelings with close friends.
To add: their support helps. Women are generally better listeners but some men are. In my case, I fell back on my female friends.
3. Cry if you want to.
4. Let go of mementos.
Yes - distract yourself from thinking about him. It takes about 8 continuous weeks for something to become a habit. Sometimes more. When I was in your position, I used to think that everybody didn't know what they were talking about when they said time heals all wounds because the emotional pain at that time was indescribable. But got over it, I certainly did.
5. Don’t slip up and get together with your ex.
To add - also be cautious with your next bf, that you are emotionally stable before you commit to another relationship - because you could be on the rebound - not only are you unfair to yourself but also to the new guy. Unfair to yourself because you could end up sticking to the new guy when you don't really love him, but feel obligated to him because he was there for you at your weakest moment. You might wake up one day and realize that your new guy is not the one you really want, leading to other problems.
That's why I'd prefer to lean on my female friends. Only get involved when you don't think about your ex or when you don't feel any regret or anger when thinking about your ex. Only then will you know that you have moved on - when you feel nothing for him.
6. Focus on all the things about your ex that drove you crazy, turned you off, or that you just plain found annoying...the mean, cruel or rude things your ex may have done in your relationship.
- These things help to raise anger in you and initially, temporarily use that to propel yourself forward to move on. But remember to be careful that you don't internalize it too far, to paint all men with the same brush as your ex. Not all men are cads. (Many are, but not all)
8. Maintain a strict no contact policy and stick with it.
This is extremely important - to be able to let go. Like I said, make it a habit. You'll find it extremely difficult in the beginning but it will definitely get easier as you keep doing it. I used to forcibly stop myself from calling and texting my ex - this was about 8 years ago. I used to pray and focus on other things.
The mistake I made was not pulling myself together for about 4 years - I was doing what you're doing now. I got smarter in the 5th year and got my act together. It is extremely difficult but not impossible.
Luvhurts is also right - pamper yourself, girls nite-outs/sleep-overs, etc. Take care of yourself. Live for yourself and not for another, esp one who doesn't deserve you.
Edit - one last thing - stop justifying your ex's actions and blaming yourself. That's what I also did, but with hindsight, there was nothing wrong with me actually but I turned my hurt inward - because I didn't know any better at that time. I do now. And hell, I'm dangerous. Lol! ;-)
*****************************************
Don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama
moonlight2000 - you're not alone. I've been there and basically did everything you said you're doing now - text, call, felt like killing myself, etc.etc. It took a few years for me to get over it .. but get over it, I certainly did. As they say, the 1st cut is the deepest and I came out of it much stronger. It is because of what I went through and the fact that I changed my frame of mind towards positive improvement, that I am what I am today.
How you deal with a broken heart? - Alsboy gave good advice:-
1. Avoid the former love.
To add - don't harbour any hope of reconciliation. Don't put your life on hold, hoping for something that may never come. Take it from me - I wasted 5 years. I still make mistakes but I'm not that stupid anymore. That's the reason why I can read most men like an open book, even if not immediately, I will, in due course of time.
2. Talk out your feelings with close friends.
To add: their support helps. Women are generally better listeners but some men are. In my case, I fell back on my female friends.
3. Cry if you want to.
4. Let go of mementos.
Yes - distract yourself from thinking about him. It takes about 8 continuous weeks for something to become a habit. Sometimes more. When I was in your position, I used to think that everybody didn't know what they were talking about when they said time heals all wounds because the emotional pain at that time was indescribable. But got over it, I certainly did.
5. Don’t slip up and get together with your ex.
To add - also be cautious with your next bf, that you are emotionally stable before you commit to another relationship - because you could be on the rebound - not only are you unfair to yourself but also to the new guy. Unfair to yourself because you could end up sticking to the new guy when you don't really love him, but feel obligated to him because he was there for you at your weakest moment. You might wake up one day and realize that your new guy is not the one you really want, leading to other problems.
That's why I'd prefer to lean on my female friends. Only get involved when you don't think about your ex or when you don't feel any regret or anger when thinking about your ex. Only then will you know that you have moved on - when you feel nothing for him.
6. Focus on all the things about your ex that drove you crazy, turned you off, or that you just plain found annoying...the mean, cruel or rude things your ex may have done in your relationship.
- These things help to raise anger in you and initially, temporarily use that to propel yourself forward to move on. But remember to be careful that you don't internalize it too far, to paint all men with the same brush as your ex. Not all men are cads. (Many are, but not all)
8. Maintain a strict no contact policy and stick with it.
This is extremely important - to be able to let go. Like I said, make it a habit. You'll find it extremely difficult in the beginning but it will definitely get easier as you keep doing it. I used to forcibly stop myself from calling and texting my ex - this was about 8 years ago. I used to pray and focus on other things.
The mistake I made was not pulling myself together for about 4 years - I was doing what you're doing now. I got smarter in the 5th year and got my act together. It is extremely difficult but not impossible.
Luvhurts is also right - pamper yourself, girls nite-outs/sleep-overs, etc. Take care of yourself. Live for yourself and not for another, esp one who doesn't deserve you.
Edit - one last thing - stop justifying your ex's actions and blaming yourself. That's what I also did, but with hindsight, there was nothing wrong with me actually but I turned my hurt inward - because I didn't know any better at that time. I do now. And hell, I'm dangerous. Lol! ;-)
*****************************************
Don't want no drama,
No, no drama, no, no, no, no drama