What to do if you have done your best but couldn't make it with your gf and she is blaming you now?
First of all I want to let you know it's just a story about me and my ex-gf and if you don't have time don't start to read this long story. :)
I know it looks like a silly question. let me explain the most important principal of my life first: I don't want to see any sad people or broken hearts because of me when I look back in my life. So I am doing my best not to hurt anybody s feelings, not to break any hearts or make anybody sad from me.
I didn't break with my gf because of her mistakes but when I explain the things she was doing wrong to me; she was saying they are normal. I am sure everybody has red flags and limits for their relation (like violation, cheating, excessive drinking, drugs or whatever it is) and she passed my limits several times so I realized that we are not suitable for each other. Thats why I decided to end our relation because she was insisting to get over my limits and she was thinking what she was doing is OK. Now she is blaming me to destroy a good love and saying she hates me. Well, I don't have a problem about it because from my side I know that I did my best to keep up with her. Now, you can say just move on and forget about her. But the problem begins here. She is doing stupid stuff nowadays and I feel she is doing those things to take revenge from me. She accepted an offer in another country. Moved to a flat to share it with a guy. (She is saying they are only flat mates but I know they are in relation. And she is saying she doesn't like him and will try to find another flat mate and so on.) Besides going to a hotel and making day use with a married man (I told her "Hanging out with a married man is wrong and you will be the reason of ending a family, have you ever put yourself in his wife's situation?"). I am saying to her that "You lost your way, you are telling lies everybody including your family, friends and the people loves you/you love them. Your life based on lies, and you will get hurt in the end of this way" Because she is a Moslem girl and for sure her family wouldn't let her to share a flat with a man and some other things she is doing is totally wrong morally. Whenever I try to talk with her and say what she is doing is wrong; she is saying. "Enough!, Stop! Why you are caring about all this so much?" I don't want her back at all, and I am not that type crying and in need of tissues. I already realized that we are not suitable for each other in the end. But I am worried about her and sometimes I feel she is doing all these bad stuff because we broke up. Am really confused, don't know what to do. What would you do if you were in my place? Just move on and forget about all or try to prevent her not to do all this stupid things?
Having a strong background in psychology let me advice you about how to use reverse psychology to get her back to her senses.....One question though! Have you ever caught her cheating? Because if not, then i'm proud to announce to you that she might have made those things up to make you sad, upset, confused, and obsessive the way you are now......We call people like this "SADISTS" thats people who just love to make others sad......So here's the reverse psychology trick just pretend that you've become a Pervert and that you're stating to enjoy her escapades try asking her questions like you are deriving pleasure from listening to the nasty things she has to say........but before i go any further is she "SUICIDAL?"
Dear I can totally identify with your situation and I know I can see what you going through depression, helplessness, defocused, self-centered, close-minded, demanding, and wishful thinking , few points I wanted you to know and think about when you are alone its all about what you feel and why you are feeling over all in your sharing what I have noticed I have mentioned your feelings is what you feel no one is making you feel so dear be more strong and accept the things you cannot change for an ex: you cannot change the weather or the traffic jams you got to accept it .all I want to say is when you feel she is using you in all areas so what are you waiting let go is the word dear if she is interested or has same feelings or respect for what you feel for her she will definitely come back .
I will tell you a story may be it will help you understand things better
There were two monks one senior and a junior monk they had to attend an important prayer at a temple which was across the jungle, while waking through the jungle they came across a river ,next to the river there was a old lady who was sitting and crying ,the senior monk polity asked the lady what happened and she replied that she had to attend is grandson wedding and to reach that place she has to cross the river as she is too old and doesn’t know swimming she cannot go ,quickly without any second thought senior monk replied we will take you on our shoulders through this river ,and they did ,after crossing old lady blessed them and thanked them ,.but the junior was not happy with the idea what they did. Later they continued there journey but the junior was cursing the old lady repeatedly as his back was paining, after every mile he was repeating same thing and senior monk was just smiling at him junior got irritated with the smile and shouter and asked why we had to do that and said he cannot walk any more as my back is paining so much coz of that old lady you go ahead I am not attending the prayer, then the senior monk replied ,my back is not paining coz I let the old lady go of my back after crossing the river but you still carrying her let go of her so that we reach our destiny
The moral of this story is let go to reach your destiny, action speaks more than words .
i hope you under stand what i am saying take care dont get carried away..........
Thank you everybody. Nothing made me feel better unless I share it with you and get your comments. Because of being in a foreign country and not to have so many friends to share, it was difficult for me. Appreciate that there is a social group of QLers. BTW she previously said its my fault that she is lost. And it made bloody sad but now I am sure that its her responsibility what to do; not mine and I will move on. Best wishes for all :)
I agree with everyone else that says you need to move on. You are not responsible for her or her feelings, she is. By acting the way she is, she is trying to get people to be responsible for her. She has some issues she needs to work out with a therapist. Just let go, it's easier said than done, I know, but you have to in order to live your life the way you want to.
It's called human nature. that's what makes us human.
good luck.
Thanks for the comments guys. Sure i know sooner or later I have to let her live her life I just dont want her to do anything that she will feel regret because what we lived. And genesis; maybe I still have feelings for her. But I know that; neither she cant knock the door, nor I can open it for her from now on. I am just willing that she will be in a serious relation that will make her happy instead of jumping from here to there and so on. Why people behave so stupid at th end of a relation and do not accept it sth normal in life? I don't get it. :(
Gypsy is right - let her live her life. If you try to interfer you will not only fail, you will cause her to resent you. If she wants to be stupid, let her and move on with your life without her.
After the good things you did& advices you gave her to get her back to the righ way; I think you did the best.
now forget about her; let her face her desteny & choces; and sooner & later you will forget her forever
Obviously you're not over her yet
Everybody has a choice...and you just made yours by breaking up with her. She's feeling desperate, and she is on the stage of Anger. She's not your responsibility, and she should be aware of all the effect of the choices she makes. You can't expect a breakup to end up as good friends. give it time. Stop communicating with her. 95% of things we worry doesn't happen at all. Whatever happens to her, it's not your problem. She made a choice, and you have to accept it. I know you still care for her, but there's no point in holding back something that would make you feel miserable. Forget about her. She's already starting to forget about you, but you're still on the stage of denial and can't accept the fact. Be a man! Stand up.
It's her life, let her do what she wants. IF you don't like it, don't talk to her.
Aha I forgot to add that, sometimes we are talking on net and she is talking with me as if she is still jealous about me and posting sings from youtube videos that are about sad girls waiting for their love to come back. And continuing to do all those stupid things at the same time. :S