I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
Henry Youngman

Women now have choices. They can be married, not married,
have a job, not have a job, be married with children, unmarried with children. Men have the same choice we've always had: work or prison.
Tim Allen

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.
Phyllis Diller

People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.”
- Calvin and Hobbes

As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes,and I can't remember the other two...
Sir Norman Wisdom

One of the most difficult things in the world is to convince a woman that even a bargain costs money.
Edgar Watson Howe

I don’t like to commit myself about HEAVEN and Hell, You see, I have friends in both places – Mark Twain

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake- Nepolian

'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt
Abraham Lincoln