... and so deseprate to be politically correct that they would recognise two parrots being married over a bucket of eels if they thought it would offend anyone not to.

In the UK, the term "husband" or "wife" can be used to refer to anyone who has lived together (legal term "common-law spouse") for more than 6 months.

I still think she was nothing more than another chav on the make, and the Magistrate (who, it must be said, are often as barmy as the people on trial) seems to have exercised common sense for a change.

Maybe it was the lurid pink polyester Kappa sweatsuit and tattooed hands that gave the game away.