Understand this is the product of your love only.
and since you have been gifted By god and blessed with a child, you just peep in you PAst and go to flash back when your father and mother had brought YOU in this world and bought you upto this stage that you are able to live independently, dont forget dear this is the life Cycle if you were the responsiblity of your parents, then how come you run away from your kids responsibility?
What you are talking make everbody feel that you have psychiatric problem(Your are not crazy) but Selfish ! !
Your did all for you lust and want the same as you dont want the child but you want a woman ! ! get yourself Counselled ! ! !